5 Things Nobody Tells You About Life After Religion

You’re not alone. If you’ve left religion and you’re feeling lonely or maybe even disoriented… I just want to say that right up front: you’re not alone.

I’m Ashley, a secular chaplain, and I talk with a lot of people who have walked away from faith communities. While leaving was the exact right step for them, it still came with challenges. Some of them surprised me when I went through it myself, and I hear the same from others all the time.

So in this piece, I want to share five things that often come up after leaving religion. My hope is that by naming them, you’ll recognize yourself in these experiences and feel a little less isolated. Sometimes just naming what you’re feeling as real and normal can take away some of the shame and help you move through it with more compassion.

👉 If you’d rather watch the video version, you can find it here.

1. Losing Community

For a lot of us, religion wasn’t just about belief — it was about people. Weekly gatherings, meals together, folks checking in to see how you were doing.

When you leave, that can vanish overnight. And it’s jarring. You can feel cut off, even if you’re relieved to be done with the system itself.

One of the most helpful things is simply naming it: This is loneliness. This is the loss of community. When we recognize it for what it is, it feels less like a personal failure and more like a very normal part of the journey.

2. Relationship Strain

This one can sting. When you step away, family or friends who are still in the faith may not understand. Relationships can shift, sometimes in ways you didn’t expect.

Naming the grief here matters too. Saying to yourself: This is grief. This is confusion. This is loss. puts words around what you’re experiencing, and that can help you carry it with a little more gentleness.

It doesn’t always mean those relationships are over, but it does mean giving yourself patience and grace as things change.

3. Rebuilding Your Identity

Religion can shape who you think you are. So when you leave, you’re left asking: Who am I without this? What do I believe now?

It can feel like rebuilding yourself from scratch. And honestly, that can be both disorienting and exciting. For some of us, it’s the first time we’ve really had the chance to create our own values and identity outside of a belief system we inherited.

4. Finding New Rituals

Faith communities come with rituals for everything — births, deaths, holidays, milestones. When you walk away, you may find yourself wondering: How do I mark important events now?

Some people bring pieces of old rituals into new contexts. Others invent completely new ways of celebrating or grieving. There isn’t one “right” answer. The point is to give yourself space to figure out what feels meaningful to you.

5. Seeking Support Outside Religion

This one can be tricky. Churches often come with built-in support systems, like counseling or pastoral care. When you leave, you might not know where to turn for help.

But there are secular counselors, communities, and supportive spaces that don’t rely on religion. It can take time to find them, but they’re out there — and they’re worth seeking.

You’re Not Alone

Leaving religion is a big shift. It comes with freedom, yes, but also with challenges. If you’ve felt lonely, strained, or unsure of who you are now… that’s normal. And sometimes the first step toward healing is simply being able to say: This is what’s happening. This is real.

You’re not alone in this. So many of us have walked this path, and many are still walking it.

Be gentle with yourself. Give yourself space. And know that connection, meaning, and hope are possible on the other side.

💬 I’d love to hear your story. What has surprised you most about life after religion? Share in the comments — I read them, and I’d love to connect.

💛 Ashley

 Your secular chaplain

👉 Watch the full YouTube video here

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