Why Emotional Invalidation Hits Harder After Leaving Religion

Have you ever tried to share something painful, only to be told, “You’ll be fine” or “Don’t worry, it’ll get better soon”?

On the surface, those phrases may sound comforting. But in reality, they can feel invalidating, isolating, and painful. When we open up about our feelings, what we’re really seeking is to be heard, seen, and understood. We want to know we’re not alone in what we’re carrying.

👉 If you’d rather watch the video version, you can find it here: Why Do People Ignore Your Feelings?

Why dismissive responses hurt

When someone brushes off your feelings, it adds another layer of pain. Now you’re not only going through the hard thing itself, but you also feel alone in it — like nobody really sees what you’re experiencing. It can leave you wondering if your feelings are even valid.

The truth is, your feelings are valid. Wanting to be heard and acknowledged is part of being human. Most of us aren’t looking for someone to “fix it” or make the problem go away. We simply want someone to sit with us in the struggle so we don’t have to go through it alone.

Why some people can’t sit with hard emotions

Here’s the thing: not everyone has the capacity to sit with hard, messy emotions. For some, big feelings are overwhelming, even frightening. Often, it’s because they’ve never learned how to sit with their own uncomfortable emotions. So instead of holding space for you, they try to shut you down — even if they don’t mean harm.

A double weight for those leaving religion

For many of us who’ve left religion, this dynamic feels familiar. Faith communities often avoided or silenced hard questions and emotions. So when we leave, only to be shut down again by others in our lives, it can feel like a double blow: the old silencing we experienced in religion and the new silencing we encounter outside of it.

What secular chaplains offer

As a secular chaplain, one of my deepest commitments is to offer a safe, steady presence — a place where your feelings can be named and honored without judgment. I can’t make the hard thing disappear, but I can sit with you in it.

That’s what many of us long for: not quick fixes, not dismissal, but steady presence and genuine compassion. And the beautiful thing? This validation is also a gift we can give to each other. Simply listening, acknowledging, and walking alongside someone can bring healing and relief.

You’re not alone

If you’ve ever felt dismissed or silenced when sharing your struggles, please know this: your feelings matter. You deserve to be heard. And you don’t have to walk through the hard things by yourself.

I’d love to hear your story in the comments. What has it been like for you when you’ve tried to share your feelings?

💛 Ashley

Your secular chaplain

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👉 Watch the full YouTube video here

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